We need to start having sex underwater more often.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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