even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
