I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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