I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
