Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
