We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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