i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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