I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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