my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
