I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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