Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
