He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
