you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
