I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
