yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
