well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
