cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
