I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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