fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
