I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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