Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
