Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
