i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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