YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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