Got a toothbrush?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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