Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Randomize
