btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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