You just made me feel so damn special
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
