it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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