K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
