im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
