a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
