This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
PANTIES FOUND
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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