Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
