It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
