I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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