I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Can you bring me the toilet please
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