There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
