i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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