Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
