can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
