That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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