i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
