so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
