do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
