He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
