Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
