I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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