I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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