What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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