sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
