I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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