i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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