just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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